A Healing Journey by Marci Hopkins, Host and Creator of Wake Up with Marci, A talk show of inspiration
Knowing when you are starting to go down the slippery slope of alcoholism can be hard to acknowledge. Asking yourself if you are drinking too much. Watching how others drink so you can compare, which can be tricky because if you are drinking a lot, then you are probably surrounding yourself with others that drink the same, or more, so you don’t fee bad about yourself.
I had always used alcohol to cope with difficult times. I drank daily, but that did not seem strange to me, because I was raised that way. When I got in front of the camera, my drinking slowly started earlier in the day. It was my liquid courage to walk into the audition room. It didn’t start that way but I was so nervous I thought I’d try it. I mean, why not? It always made me feel better.
It’s interesting that I even chose to get in front of the camera. An industry where I would be judged all of the time. I had no self esteem because I am a survivor of sexual abuse, hence using alcohol to cope. It had always been my way of dealing with anything in my life.
Several years into my acting It had elevated to wine before an audition and then after. Whether I was unhappy with myself or happy to to be in the city with a few hours before the kids would come home, it didn’t matter.
This wasn’t daily but if I didn’t have an audition I would find someone to grab lunch with that enjoyed a glass of wine, and then of course the wine at dinner time.
You may be thinking, how could you wonder if you are going down that slippery slope? Well, I wasn’t near as bad as my alcoholic mom.
Towards the end I would wake up nightly, googling ways to quit drinking because I hated myself. I still wasn’t strong enough to admit I was an alcoholic. I was just drinking too much and unhappy with my life. (I played the victim very well.) I tried to find any alternative to AA. Yoga, hypnosis, acupuncture, the thought of never drinking again was so daunting.
It wasn’t until I hit the bottom of the barrel. My husband and I were unhappy, I hated myself and my life, and I got a DUI after a modeling job.
While this sounds pretty bad, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I woke up the next morning after my DUI, and I had to make a huge change or I was going to lose everything. I’ll never forget the day I admitted I was an alcoholic to myself first and then my husband. We sat on the couch, I was in tears, and the words came out. I’m an Alcoholic. My husband reached out and held me, it was the first time I truly felt loved. That’s the thing, when you’ve been sexually abused, you lose all self esteem, self respect and self love. In that moment, I felt true love.
I went to AA that day and never looked back. I had been to AA before so I called a woman that I had met in AA take me. She sponsored me and I did everything I was told. I learned the tools, the prayers, I went everyday, and immersed myself into the program. It was a very hard journey but one I’m so grateful for.
I had been in therapy for countless years, but the steps of AA and turning my life fully over to my God was where my healing happened.
It is in those steps where the blessing of healing comes from. You admit you have a problem, that your life is unmanageable, you completely turn your life over to God, you learn your part in relationships, break bad cycles, learn to pause, give of yourself and live in gratitude.
It is truly hard work. The hardest thing I’ve ever done but my life is full of abundance. I have the best relationship with myself first and then my husband and I’m now an amazing mom. I’m a woman I can be proud of.
I truly love myself today, which allows me to give love and receive love. I have followed Gods guidance and now have the gift of my talk show, Wake Up with Marci. I launched the show because I had found true happiness and I wanted to give that to others through stories of hope.
We all have a story and there is truly so much hope. I also have specialists on to educate us and provide resources because when I needed help, I did not know where to turn.
I now have a platform that I can help others to move forward with their healing journey.
This has been my gift of sobriety.
Listen to Marci and Mark here: